July 21, 2008

imagine being loved

I'm going back and forth. Lately I've been closer to the side of the opinion that certain songs are not appropriate during worship. Songs like "My Beloved" or "Crucified" have lyrics which proclaim that I am His beloved and that above all creation He died for me. These words can seem to be quite egocentric during a time when I should be steering my attention away from myself. Of course there are theological implications within the theme of these songs, especially "crucified". Is it OK to focus on the self and consider God's personal love towards us as individuals? Or should we rather consider God's love towards us as a community and that God favors a community of Christ like self-sacrifice over the individual and their personal needs? These are questions that I wrestle with. I've not been aware of this wrestling but it's been happening on a subconscious level.

The back and forth motion of this wrestling is not a concrete place to be but I think that's the point. It shouldn't be. I have found that the rythym of God's Spirit is one that goes through seasons. Or atleast seasons are what God uses in order to better reveal His Infinite Self to my tiny finite self. I've heard someone say the term "living in the tension of paradox". Jesus did this with perfection and beauty.

Could it be that this humility to not sing these songs at all is false? and if false humility is the problem, why? Where does it stem from? To avoid this I believe that it is important to focus on the self but only for a short "season". We should dare to imagine that we are loved, personally and passionately. After realizing this is true we should let that awareness seep into our spirits all the while reminding ourselves that we are but dust. If this is done the natural reaction would be one of praise, worship and adoration towards the Creator. The result and effect on the heart would be a healthy balance of self worth and humility.

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